I'm ok but I'm scared. Not going to hurt myself, don't worry please. Just need to let this out somewhere. - Lo

((hugs)) If you need something, please let me know, Lo. Peace to you. - WoH: Professor MOTHRA

Well it's hard not to worry. So if you keep trying I'll try not to worry. - MoTO Boychick Devil

*hugs* What WoH and MoTO said, too. - vicster.

*hugs* - John (bird whisperer)

*HUGS* if you to vent or anything let me know Lo - Sir Shuping is just sir

Is there anything any of us can do to help??? - Friar Will

Best wishes on pulling through this time. - Steve C, Team Marina

Stay strong! - Mary Carmen

You got this, Lo. - Micah

You're a tough cookie, Lo. *hugs* - Jenny H.

If we can help in any way, please let us! *hugs* - Stephen Mack

*hugs* You are strong and amazing, even when you don't feel it. And if you need some helping hands, I've got 2. :) - Heather

(((Lo))) How're you doing? - Anne Bouey

One breath, one step, one day at a time. Repeat as necessary. It won't make it better, it just gives you something else to focus on, when everything else is too overwhelming. *hugs* - Bette Cooper

I was just thinking I was finding my way out of this long depression/trying to figure things out period and after 9 months of unemployment I had a lead on a job handling desserts for a new restaurant. Husband started new job with Americorps which is a great fit for him, but doesn't make much money. I've been trying to use my difficult secondary relationship as a venue to improve my mood regulation, emotional control, and communication skills with people who are challenging /triggering for me. Yall know how me getting upset over interpersonal difficulties totally undoes me on a regular basis, and I really want to learn better ways to handle stuff. It's so hard. But I was approaching the idea that maybe I should still end the relationship for my own peace and comfort, skills or no. I was giving myself the month to try one last intensive effort. Doing like 6 hours of exercises and stuff every day. Also focusing on getting back in shape more, as I'm finally working on dance projects again and it was making me SO happy and inspired. Like the sun coming out again after a year. - Lo

Last week I had some really bad fights with secondary, struggling that even trying to use every tool in my box, and some new ones, but it's still going badly. I send him an email asking that he actually attend couples therapy with me, and went to the park to swing for a while. Healthy coping skills & stuff. - Lo

I don't know how but I fell off the swing, broke my left arm and wrist and fractured four vertebrae. I'm in a brace for three months. probably can't do the restaurant job. Don't know how long before I will be able to earn money. I don't even know if I'll be able to dance again. The pain is unreal. My husband is stresses caring for me and afraid he will have to quit his job. I cried most of the day yesterday which prompted my original post, it was pms it turns out. I hope none of you know what it's like to wear a corset with cramps. - Lo

I am sure i will get through this and it'll be funny someday, but I haven't felt this relentlessly like dying since I was 23 and completely out of it. - Lo

It's hard because the feelings are much stronger now, but the coping skills I have been learning are sometimes useless. I can't take deep breaths or go running, really get any exercise at all, so calming down takes a fucking hour. I can't share my feelings as freely with husband for fear of breaking his spirit. And idiot boyfriend is being extea-suppprtive, but still kinda clueless, like yesterday he asked if I knew what was wrong that I was crying, and why can't I just slow my breathing and calm down already. - Lo

And I'm being extra bitchy thanks to pain. I look in the mirror and I'm like JUST STOP YOU ASSHOLE. - Lo

For some reason I haven't felt comfortable talking about this. I haven't even told my parents. So it is big for me to share. Thanks, guys.I totally went on for a while, but I know you guys will be nice about it. I really appreciate that. - Lo

One of my favorite fb friends really hurt my feelings yesterday so I suspended my account, as I'm too sensitive right now and I make mistakes typing with one hand and painkillers... But I'm glad, it reminded me to come here. Still feels safe, after all this time. - Lo

Yikes. I'm sorry you were injured! Are you still in Madison? I imagine you already know your resources but just in case: http://www.needhelppayingbills.com/html... http://host.madison.com/news... Was the original work taken care of in the ER? If so, did they give you any directions on what to do after they'd seen you? There are pain management clinics in some cities. - Spidra Webster

Thanks, Spidra. I have no idea what I'm doing actually, just figuring out what to do and what I need. The ER were like, okay, you're cool, go home, take some advil, put some ice on that wrist if it hurts. My stoicism in crises often misleads doctors, they weren't even going to take x-rays of my spine initially and were stunned over the course of the evening as they discovered each broken bone one at a time. It was kinda funny actually. Ultimately my awesome hub got me fitted for a back brace, so I can function at least, and I did ultimately get prescribed pain meds. So far the arm is healing without surgery (though that could still change). The back gets looked at next week, if there is no spinal cord involvement I'll be happy... happy-ish? L3 is separated and could move. I'm terrified of tripping and falling. - Lo

Next time you see a doc, bring the form for a disability placard. You can get a temporary one and you have as much reason to need one as someone who's got a leg in a cast. I can imagine that it affects your stamina and how far you can walk. If you get it, it can help a little financially with paying for any meters. Even if you don't own a car, the placard is assigned to you. That is, you can use it with any car you're being ferried in. http://www.dot.wisconsin.gov/drivers... - Spidra Webster

If your household income qualifies, definitely apply for any and all help you can get with food, utilities and things that may not be healthcare. If you can get help with overall expenses, it may help the healthcare costs cut less deeply. http://www.benefits.gov/benefit... (It's depressing to me how many of these programs are for only for mothers. It's like if you don't breed, you don't matter. But try to ignore that and use what you can. Like low income utility assistance.) - Spidra Webster

Sorry to be responding in a "fixit" way if you just wanted to vent. I do really get how depressing it is to be in pain all the time. - Spidra Webster

That is a lot for anyone to take in Lo, so far I haven't heard you express any feeling that isn't completely understandable under those circumstances. I don't have any magic answers for you but hope if you just hang in there especially through the physical healing some peace will come. - Steve C, Team Marina

thanks folks :) - Lo

*hugs* That is a seriously sucky string of events. Writing helps me get through emotions that I feel like I can't talk to people about. Sometimes I write like I'm talking to someone I'm having trouble communicating with or make up a character to be my avatar and put them in dire straights so I can get a kind of relief from what I'm going through. I know you said you're typing one handed, you could scribble it out in pencil? Good luck with the next appointments and if you need more venting, go right ahead! - Heather

Heather reminded me that Dragon makes speech recognition apps which are free or cheaper than the desktop equivalents. http://www.nuancemobilelife.com/apps... Best to download those and practice with them so you can not do a lot of one-handed typing. Innocent one-handed typing... - Spidra Webster

Thanks for the update, Lo. We're here to listen as much as you need. - Anne Bouey

Thanks for sharing, Lo. Hugging you from here...and, like Anne said, we're here to listen whenever, doll. - Lisa L. Seifert

*gentle hugs* We're here for you when you need to set some of that stress down. I hope you heal quickly and completely. - vicster.

Thanks guys. I cannot enjoy real hugs or snuggles for some time, so I am taking all the ehugs I can get :P - Lo