"I have no idea why he has agreed to this interview with Red Rag – he must have had his people research our political leanings, and he knows we’re looking through his financial records, which are murky and confusing, just like Grey Holdings itself. Nobody’s ever been sure what the company actually does. They prefer to focus on Christian Grey’s tight abs and storm-grey eyes. But I can’t get excited over someone whose precise methods of profiting from the alienated labour of god knows how many low-waged staff still need investigating." - Victor Ganata

"They’ve got a point, though – Christian Grey is incredibly hot, and also really rich and successful, like Mark Zuckerberg if Mark Zuckerberg were incredibly hot. Also a bit like Edward Cullen from Twilight, although not enough to constitute a copyright violation, because he’s wearing a business suit. Just another bloodsucker." - Victor Ganata

"‘I can’t stop thinking about you, Emma,' he says, 'I feel like you really see me. Like you know parts of me nobody has ever known before.’ ‘That’s because nobody has ever taken a detailed look at your overseas tax holdings before.’" - Victor Ganata

"Christian Grey fixes me with a penetrating stare, like he wants to beat fifty shades of shit out of me." - Victor Ganata

"Christian Grey has bought me a priceless first edition of my favourite book, *On the Origins of the Family, Private Property and The State* Five minutes later, the phone rings. It’s Christian. 'I can’t accept gifts from a source,' I say. 'Honestly, though, have you even read this book?' 'No,' he says, 'I just thought that if I gave you very expensive gifts you would stop hounding me with FOI requests and then let me fuck you.'" - Victor Ganata

"'Jeez,' I say, 'You need to go away and sit and think about commodity fetishism and the compensation of emotional labour. Also your obvious issues with women. By the way, how did you get this number?'" - Victor Ganata

"Alright, alright, so I had sex with Christian Grey. What can I say? I was bored and horny and my hitachi was broken. Great body, but he lurches between ranting about his childhood and trying to play out his virgin fantasies, which I was having none of." - Victor Ganata

"'Holy crap,' I say, 'I have never seen a contract like this before in any of my extensive experience within the BDSM community. This isn’t about sex. This is about controlling every aspect of my behaviour. This is the work of a disturbed person with a team of lawyers enabling his abusive tendencies. Nobody in their right mind would sign.'" - Victor Ganata

"'My desires are… unconventional,' he admits. 'So are mine,' I say. 'I want to overthrow the government, eliminate the money system, institute complete automation and destroy the male sex.' Christian goes off to sulk in his helicopter." - Victor Ganata

"'Say it again, bourgeois scum!' 'The history of all previous societies has been the history of class struggle!' He’s so freaking hot when he’s quoting Marx. 'No,' I say, tweaking Christian’s nipple-clamps, and I smile. 'Say the other thing.' 'SAFE, SANE AND CONSENSUAL!' He screams." - Victor Ganata